Forever in Love (Montana Brides) Page 14

  “Nothing.”

  Nathan lifted his hand, brushing his fingertips along her jaw. “Doesn’t look like nothing to me.”

  ‘I umm…I’ve got to go back inside.” She sidestepped to the right. Nathan’s arm blocked her exit.

  “Not so fast, honey. Tell me what’s wrong.” His arms moved to her waist, holding her in a loose embrace that should have annoyed her, but it didn’t. Instead of running for cover, she imagined what it would feel like to rest her head against his chest, just for a minute, and take comfort from the beat of his heart.

  But that would take her even deeper into a place she didn’t want to go. She shoved at Nathan’s arms. They didn’t budge.

  She glared at the buttons on his shirt. She could lie. Find some phony reason for stepping away from a kiss that had sent her hormones to heaven and back. Or she could tell the truth.

  “Amy?”

  Of all the people in the world, Nathan was the last person she wanted to be having this conversation with. But if she didn’t tell him the truth he’d think she was a tease. The worst of where she’d come from. “I’ve never…you know…slept with anyone.”

  Nathan’s eyebrows nearly shot off his face. “You’ve never had sex? Ever?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that.” Amy drew her spine straight, cursing the bench behind her and the man blocking her exit. “You might be happy to throw your body around, but I’ve got standards.”

  “And do those standards cover Brett Forster too?”

  Amy felt her jaw drop. “How did you…”

  “You can’t move in this town without someone knowing what you’re up to.” Nathan looked almost smug if you discounted eyes that had turned into miniature laser beams.

  “He took me out for coffee…and cake.” Amy started to get mad, angry, and so brassed off that she felt like stomping on his size fourteen cowboy boots. “For your information, and this is coming from the primary source, not secondhand gossip, Brett is a perfect gentleman.”

  “I’m sure he is,” Nathan drawled, leaning closer until she could smell his aftershave, almost taste the fine dust still coating his skin. “Don’t wiggle around so much. You’re not going anywhere until we’ve finished this discussion.”

  “There’s nothing to discuss. I’m not going to sleep with you. Or anyone.” She shoved at his chest and felt slightly better when he moved out of licking distance. Nathan’s fingers tapped against her waist and shockwaves rippled along her spine.

  “Has this got anything to do with what happened before you came to Bozeman?”

  She stared at Nathan’s jaw. Now she felt embarrassed. Stupid.

  “Amy?”

  “Sort of.” Nathan’s arms tightened. She didn’t want his pity. Didn’t need him feeling sorry for the woman who couldn’t get over something that had happened years ago.

  “Sounds to me like we’ve both got issues. We could work on them together.”

  She looked up, frowning at the smile breaking across his face. “The only thing I need to work on is getting out of here and heading home with Catherine.”

  “Now where have I heard that before?”

  “Let me go, Nathan.”

  “Nope. We aren’t finished. How about I offer you an exclusive ten-ticket therapy program instead? It’s only valid until Christmas and won’t cost you a cent.”

  “I don’t need therapy. I went to a counselor at the university.”

  “What I’ve got in mind doesn’t involve a lot of talking.”

  Amy frowned and then blushed so hot that her face must have turned crimson. He couldn’t mean what she thought he meant. Sex wouldn’t solve anything. And even if it did, she didn’t want Nathan’s hands getting anywhere near her body. Not much, anyway…Okay, she did. A lot. But it wouldn’t happen.

  “I’m not having sex with you.”

  “I think we’ve got a scaredy-cat on the loose. What are you worried about?”

  If she had to make a list of all the things that worried her, she’d never leave the barn. And top of the list would be a certain cowboy who didn’t know when to leave her alone. “It’s not right. You don’t sleep with someone to fix a problem.”

  “Who says?”

  “Me. You’re thirty-two-years-old. If you’ve got an itch find someone else to scratch it.”

  The smile disappeared off Nathan’s face. His eyes became guarded as they darted to the window behind her.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it came out.”

  He took a deep breath. “No offense taken.”

  But there had been. She only had to look at his face to know she’d said the wrong thing. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. His arms dropped from around her waist and he stepped back. “You’re right. It wasn’t a good suggestion. Forget I mentioned it.”

  “When was the last time you had sex?”

  “We’d better head back to mom and dad’s place before they send a search party out here.”

  Amy watched him grab his jacket and slide his arms in the sleeves. He picked his hat up off the bench and rammed it on his head. He gazed around the room, flicking off another power switch on the back wall.

  “Have you had sex in the last year, Nathan?”

  “I’d do that jacket up if I was you. It’s freezing outside.”

  “What about two years?”

  “Forget it. Let’s get moving.” He headed across the room.

  “Why haven’t you had sex in over two years?”

  “Guess I’ve got standards too.”

  “Rubbish.”

  Nathan stopped in the middle of the barn. “I don’t prowl around Bozeman looking for women to keep my feet warm.”

  “Have you had any kind of serious relationship in the last few years?”

  His mouth set in a stubborn line. “That’s none of your business.”

  “It is if you want to have sex with me. Not that it’s going to happen.”

  “Sex isn’t supposed to be serious.”

  “I can’t let a man touch me without hyperventilating and you don’t want anyone to see your body. Between the two of us I can’t see sex being anything other than serious. We’ve got so many problems that we’re either made for each other or crazy to think we could have a normal relationship with anyone.”

  “You weren’t hyperventilating before.”

  “That’s because my brain cells have frozen solid.” She pulled her jacket tight around her body. The wind had picked up speed, rattling the tin roof like a mouth of chattering teeth. She ignored the scowl on Nathan’s face, stomping across the wooden floor before the conversation got even more ridiculous.

  He was the last person she’d ever have sex with. It would end in disaster and she couldn’t afford to let anything upset her life. Her sister’s case manager needed to know that Catherine had a stable home, that she wouldn’t end up in the same mess Amy had lived through.

  Nathan beat her to the door. He blocked her exit, standing so close that if she took a step forward she’d be wrapped in his arms.

  She stepped back.

  “Why did you kiss me?” he asked.

  Amy glanced to her left, looking for another door. Nothing. She did a quick scan of the other side of the workshop. Double nothing. Nathan was leaning against the only exit and she wouldn’t get past him in a hurry.

  “Well?”

  “Because your lips were plastered against my mouth.”

  He made himself more comfortable against the door, settling in for a cozy conversation that wouldn’t get him anywhere. Including her single bed.

  “So why do you have an issue with other men’s lips and not mine?”

  Amy crossed her arms in front of her chest. “If I knew that I wouldn’t be standing here wanting to whack you over the head with one of your precious table legs.”

  His mouth twitched. “Given that you’ve seen my scars and I’ve kissed your lips, I’d say we’re made for ea
ch other.”

  “You would.”

  Nathan ran a finger along her jaw, grinning at the heat she could feel rushing to her cheeks. “So what about our therapy sessions?”

  “No.”

  “Oh ye of little faith.” He leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss along her cheek. “It could be just what the doctor ordered.”

  Amy swallowed another fork of steak casserole and dumplings. She should have been enjoying the meal Nathan’s mom had made. Enjoying the conversation skimming around the table between the Gray siblings and their parents. But all she could think about was sex. And the fact that she’d never had sex with anyone didn’t stop her imagination filling in the blanks. Big blanks that were the same size as the man sitting opposite her.

  Every time Nathan’s blue gaze locked with hers she felt an electric current zing along her spine. He didn’t seem too worried about sleeping with someone who didn’t know what they were doing. She knew the mechanics as well as anyone else. Maybe better than most people. It was the in-between bits that worried her.

  And Nathan was a dab hand at the in-between bits. If even half of Sally’s stories were true, Nathan had enough experience for both of them. And he’d need it. If they had sex. And that was so not happening that she didn’t know why she was even thinking about it.

  “…the turkey is so huge that the box barely squashed into Liam’s truck.”

  “I refuse to blow up a plastic turkey for thanksgiving.” Paul looked down the table. “Pass the beans please, Sean. Especially a turkey that’s taller than me.”

  Sally glanced across the table. “You don’t need to, dad. Matthew said he’d help out, didn’t you Matthew.”

  Matthew glared at his little sister. “I didn’t offer. You bullied me into helping.”

  “I did no such thing. You love thanksgiving as much as I do.”

  “Yeah. And I love those chocolate truffle things you make even more.”

  “Does anyone want more casserole?” Sean stood at the kitchen counter with a metal spoon in his hand.

  Matthew stood up. “You’d better give me some. From the sound of all the decorations I’ll be stringing around this place I’ll need all the energy I can get.”

  “Liam isn’t driving across until Saturday,” Sally said. “That’s a whole two days away.”

  “Forward planning, sis. It works for me.”

  “Just as long as you haven’t forward planned a date for Saturday night.”

  “Who me?” Matthew walked across to the kitchen and held his plate out to Sean. “When have you ever known me to forget anything as important as blowing up a supersized turkey?”

  “Does last Christmas ring a bell?”

  “I did not forget about Christmas.” A wave of color shot up Matthew’s neck.

  Nathan looked across at Amy and grinned. “He didn’t forget Christmas, but he did forget that we were all getting together to choose a tree.”

  “Yeah,” Sean added. “Until we came across his truck parked on the side of the road. We thought he must have had a problem with his engine, but his engine was…purring.”

  Jenny dropped her knife against her plate. “Don’t be so crude, Sean Gray. Your brother and his girlfriend were embarrassed enough without you bringing up his…date every few months.”

  “Forget the casserole.” Matthew dropped his plate into the dishwasher. “I’m going across to the bunkhouse to play a round of poker with the boys.”

  Nathan headed across to the sink. “I’m heading home, too. My shoulders are killing me.”

  Amy’s head shot up. He hadn’t been complaining an hour ago when they’d been in the barn.

  “That massage you gave me last week really helped. Do you want to work your magic again, Amy?”

  She stared into Nathan’s laughing blue eyes. There’d be no magic happening anywhere around him tonight, unless he wanted to be turned into a toad.

  “What a great idea.” Sally scooped more mashed potatoes onto her plate. “If Catherine wakes up I’ll look after her until you get back.”

  “A shower would work just as well,” Amy muttered. A long cold shower to freeze the overactive hormones racing through his body.

  “We don’t mind looking after Catherine,” Jenny said. “You go with Nathan, it’s only a ten minute drive across the ranch. I’ll clean up in here once you’ve gone and do some baking for the boys tomorrow.”

  Amy looked around the table at the faces staring back at her. Jenny and Paul didn’t seem to have a clue what was happening. Sally did. And Nathan looked so smug that she wanted to wipe the grin off his face.

  She rearranged her knife and fork, stalling for time. She looked at her glass of fruit juice and took a sip of that for good measure. Three little letters kept popping into her brain. S-E-X.

  The timing wasn’t great, but with her track record it wouldn’t get any better. She’d known Nathan for years, been half in love with him for more than a few of them. That had to count for something. It wasn’t like she’d be jumping some stranger she’d just met. S-E-X. That’s all it would be. Sex between two friends. Kind of.

  She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. Maybe he was right. Maybe they could help each other. She trusted him. If anyone could get her past the block in her brain, then Nathan could. They didn’t want anything more from each other than their bodies. And comfort. And sex.

  Sink or swim. She chose to swim. “I’ll go and check on Catherine and then I’m all yours.”

  The grin on Nathan’s face disappeared. He looked surprised and something more that sent a dull red blush streaking up his neck.

  He cleared his throat. “I’ll meet you in the hallway in a few minutes.”

  Amy nodded, nearly tripping over her feet as she rushed out of the kitchen. Good, Lord. What on earth had she just agreed to?

  Amy stopped halfway down the staircase. Nathan sat on the bottom step, wrapped in his jacket. His hat hung from his hands, twisting and turning as his fingers ran around the brim.

  She kept moving, stepping around him. She lifted her jacket off the hook on the wall. He didn’t move. Nathan’s arms rested on his legs, his gaze locked on his hat. It didn’t look as though he’d be going anywhere, anytime soon.

  With hesitant steps she walked toward him. He didn’t look up. Her arm brushed against his thigh as she sat down beside him and he flinched. “Considering this was your idea, it should be me that’s got cold feet.”

  His hat stopped spinning. “I haven’t changed my mind. I just don’t want you to feel pressured.”

  Amy glanced down the hallway checking for any other Gray family members. “Whenever I even think about kissing a man I feel pressured. I’m sick of living my life in the past.”

  Nathan sighed. He lifted his gaze to her face and Amy held her breath, waiting for the words that were swirling in his blue eyes.

  “What if this turns into more than either of us expect? What if tonight isn’t enough?”

  Amy felt her pulse beating hard and fast in her throat. She didn’t want to think about tomorrow, or the next day, or any time after that. “I’ve got a ten-ticket program.”

  Nathan’s blank stare lasted no more than a few seconds. He threw his head back, laughing so hard that tears glistened on his lashes. “In that case, we’d better get a move on before we run out of time. We’ll take my truck.”

  Amy sat in Nathan’s kitchen, getting more nervous by the minute.

  She hadn’t been able to see much of anything on the ride over, including the man sitting beside her. Neither of them had said much. Amy had too many thoughts tumbling around her head to try and string more than a few words together and Nathan’s silence had suited her just fine. It had almost been a relief to see the outline of his home sprawled against the night sky.

  “We need a plan,” Nathan stated matter of factly as he pushed his sleeves up past his elbows. A sheet of paper and a pen landed on the table between them.

  Amy didn’t like the focused look on his face. This
was supposed to be about spontaneous combustion. Plans weren’t spontaneous, especially plans written on stationary from the Little Shop of Horrors. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

  Nathan glanced down at where she was pointing and turned the page over. The laughing ghoul disappeared. “Sally’s trick or treat present to me last Halloween.”

  Amy tried to figure out why he didn’t get candy, but decided she had more important things to worry about. Like the man sitting opposite her.

  “I thought we already had a plan and it involved sex.” She squinted at Nathan. His skin looked as though it had turned a pale shade of grey, but that could have been the fluorescent lights. Or his common sense kicking in.

  Nathan cleared his throat. “We’ve got plenty of time for…sex. We should take things slowly.” He dragged the last word past his lips like it was one of the horse pills he swallowed to make him feel better.

  Amy rested her elbows on the table. She thought about making a run for it before they were both too embarrassed to do anything more than scowl at each other. The sensible, intelligent, over-achiever part of her couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. Couldn’t believe she was here, discussing a plan…for sex. The other part, the one that wiggled in anticipation whenever Nathan was around, had her ears pinned on tight. She nudged Miss Sensible out of the way, waiting for Nathan to continue.

  “Tell me your plan.”

  Nathan dropped the pen, catching it before it shot off the table. “I thought it would be better if we both made the plan. You know what you…need...and I…umm have needs too.”

  Amy’s gaze skittered away from Nathan after he mentioned her needs. She had lots. Probably more than was good for her, and probably more than a ten-ticket therapy program would ever solve. Thinking about a couple of those needs made her weak at the knees, especially with a scarlet faced cowboy sitting opposite her.

  Writing her needs on a piece of paper was so not going to happen. She’d never survive if someone found their list. And looked at it. And knew it was theirs.

  Sex with Nathan was such a bad idea. It would ruin their friendship, tarnish her reputation and make her needy for more. “I think I’ll go back to your parents’ place. I’ve changed my mind.” She pushed back her chair and headed over to the mudroom.